Thursday, January 9, 2014

January



It’s a new year! I can hardly believe it. Last year was pretty rough. We had a lot of health and finical issues, but God is still good and He is still in control. I am so happy to be done with this blood disorder. I mean, I still have it, but at least I don’t have to be watched every week!

This year, I really want to get my focus set right. I always go through ups and downs of focusing really good on God and then letting myself get distracted. I know I’ll always have to fight these distractions until the day I am with him face to face. But it is a fight that is worth it.

I really want to lead someone to Christ this year. I’ve grown up in church, and while I’ve been apart of helping other Christians grow, I’ve never lead someone to Christ. I don’t think I’ll ever be some evangelist, but I would like to have the experience of leading someone to finding Christ. Not just the praying of a prayer, but truly repenting and finding Gods love in their life.

I want to refocus on purity. True purity, holiness. Something that can only be achieved by Christ living in and through me. I don’t want to be as grumpy as I have been. I want to put others before myself. I want to grow in holiness and the fruits of the Spirit. I want to make my Father proud.

I want to finish a first draft. Maybe even finish a manuscript. But finishing a first draft would be a fantastic start! I always write pieces of a draft before moving onto something else. I want to pick a book and finish it this year. I’m tired of saying ‘I want to be a author.’ But then letting myself not work as hard as I should be toward it. I want to include God first in this, I want him to be the inspiration for my books. I want to honor Him in all that I do.

I want to find my place in service. Last couple of years I’ve been searching for my place as a career. I know what God wants for me know, at least for part of my life or for it to have a part in my life. I am suppose to be an author. It may not be all I am, but it will be a apart of it. But now, I really want to find where I can serve in my church and maybe extra. I love serving, I love knowing that I’ve been the hands and feet of God. I love knowing that God has used me to touch someone life. As nervous as I am around people, it is worth it to know I have loved well and made my Father proud. But I’m scared of driving, and I feel all alone, I hate being a burden to mom. I want to find a place that I fit in, a place I can either drive to or go with someone.

I want a friend. Not someone to just go to the movies with or hang out. I want a true friend. Someone I can share my struggles with, someone who we can keep each other accountable in this race. I have been blessed with a wonderful mother that I consider my best friend, and I have wonderful mentors that are my friend. But part of me really desires at least one friend who is near my age- or my walk in life. I love having out with my mentor/older friends, but something inside really wants someone that is close to where my walk is now. Someone to grow with a share experiences.

And above all us, I want to keep Christ first in all that I do. I want to stop this separation between spiritual activities and secular activities. If Christ is alive and active today- if He is Lord over my life then I want him Lord over EVERY part of my life. I want to keep in first in everything. I want to do EVERYTHING as if I’m doing it for my Lord. And if I’m about to do something that isn’t honoring to him, even if it isn’t a sin, I want to have the strength to walk away. I want to grow in wisdom of when to say no and when to say yes. I desire to honor him and grow closer to him.

But I am so weak. I fail and fall and crawl back to the things that I have been set free from. I love you so much Lord! But my love fails! Thank you that you’re love never fails, that you hold me up when I fall. I don’t wan to play church. I want to live it out in honesty. I don’t want to pretend things are okay when they’re not. I want to let others see the real me, and if they walk away then I’m fine with that. I want to be a open book so that others can see your light. I want to share my testimony. I don’t want to pretend I’m perfect or have it all together.

I use to be afraid that showing my weakness would someone damage my testimony- like, If I wasn’t perfect then people wouldn’t believe in Your power. How foolish am I! For Your power shines best through my weakness. If I am strong and can walk this alone, then what praises can I sing to you? But I am weak. And in that weakness I find strength. Not from myself, but from my Father. I don’t want to be afraid of hiding my struggles or who I am or where I am at in this walk. I want to be a light to you, a testimony.

So this year God, I pray that you write your story on my heart. Take the pen and write my life the way you see it. For your design is so much better than my own. I will fail and I will fall, but I will fight and I won’t give in. I know Jesus is my savior and in Him only I find salvation and only hidden in Christ can I be righteous. Thank you for that gift, help me to live in a such a way that honors God I claim to serve.

Amen.

Scripture of the day:  Colossians 3:1-17